Friday, March 2, 2012

Today I took a gigantic step in acceptance!

I was given freedom in form of a walker today, a nice one with wheels, seat and basket! This has been rather difficult for me to accept in life, I saw using one as giving up, until I learned to see it as a tool, I can walk with it instead of being stuck home, freedom to take kids out. Its not what I expected to be part of my life, remember Im the runner, now I rarely walk without falling, and never without pain and fear of the next fall. So now my new tool, my walker gave me freedom! I walked around the park, enjoyed it knowing if I felt a fall coming I could sit, yes I felt weird, at first especially, thoughts in my mind were a jumble "ahhhh people may see me with a walker" dumb but true today I learned, grew, accepted and instead of giving in I fought and walked! Awesome!
I could continue to refuse the "tools" in my life, feeling like using them is giving up, giving into my disabilities. Missing out on things, hurting due to walking when I could have rode, using a "tool, a wheelchair" doing more, enjoying things more, with less pain. Or I can fight every step and accept my limitation, and use the many tools available to help me, to make life easier. Its not giving in! Its not giving up! It IS fighting! Taking back my life, altered yes but mine to live not watch it pass me by! So I will gratefully use the tools I have, my walker, my shower seat, my hotpad, tens unit, my foot brace, and when I find one I can afford(praying its soon I need it badly) I will use a wheelchair when needed. These give me freedom to go when without themIm home stuck, watching life pass by. I cant wait to go walk at the park more! Fieldtrips, family outings, museums! Things available with the use of my new tools. Without my tools I miss them all!
Im truly blessed to have a husband as understanding as I have who loves me and helps me accept without giving up, helps me see the shower chair, wheelchair, walker, cane and more as tools, ways to be free, not as a hinderance.
Today was a big step for me. Admitting, accepting, using, fighting and walking!