Sunday, January 25, 2009

reading and learning

I am reading some new stuff these days. I have found out that the LDS Church ha an addictions program! They have a book to go along with it! So I am reading it along with some other suggested reading. I figure the more I can learn about addictions the more prepared I am to deal with Larry. Hopefully I can put all I learn to use to help with our relationship, and to help with the kids relationship with him. He is doing his part, working hard at recovery, being honest and open with me. I want him to make it back to the Temple one day, for him to have his Preisthood reinstated, I feel I need to do all I can to support him in that. If he does his part and I do mine the Lord will do his and thats the most important. I still pray constantly over what to do. Still my answers are to stay. I have found a new counceling center for the kids! I think this place will do a lot for them. The therapist knows I have not divorced and do not intend on it and she is willing to help us all work through everything that comes up. They are a Christian based center. They have worked with other families with similar situations and had them be ok in the end. I feel like this is where the Lord has guided me. 
I visit Larry as often as I can, about every other weekend. He is doing good, or as good as can be considering. He has kept himself involved in therapy and classes to help him this whole time. I see a big change in him when I see him, when we visit. He wishes more people would give him a chance to show what he is doing, that he is trying. Its frustrating at times, these guys cant do it with no support from friends and family, yet most of the time they get no support. I have really learned a lot in the past few years. Things I dont want to know. But not only about abuse, but addictions, and the way people react. I have learned more about people judging others than I care to.  The harshest have been thoe of my own faith, sad as that it. I have had more people turn their backs on me due to Larrys actions, due to my following my promptings than I thought possible. I still don't know what the future holds, or where the Lord will lead me, I take life one day at a time. I make no promises to stay married, to divorce, or ever live in the same house as Larry, I also make no promises I wont. Ideally we will work through all this, and with the help of therapists,prayer and Heavenly Father we can all find peace and healing and remain an intact family, eventually sealed together forever-again. 
Anyway back to my original topic here. I am reading LDS Addiction Recovery Program and Hold Onto Hope. I am also reading some articles here. I am posting these in hopes that maybe someone with an addiction, or someone who loves one with an addiction may read and find help, or at least find it in their hearts to forgive. I am not asking anyone to forgive Larry, you have to decide to do that on your own. But I know many that have relationships with others with addictions. Maybe you can find peace finally. There are support groups that are through the church. You can find them here.  I hope you will read, pray and ponder. I hope you will find peace and forgiveness for those in your lifes that have addictions that have hurt you. Addictions come in many forms, they hurt many people. No matter what the addiction is, be it sex,food,shopping,drugs,alcohol whatever it hurts you and those around you. I know some reading this have hurts and anger from years ago. Maybe from reading you can let it go and find happiness.
This is my prayer for those reading this.
And Many people can do some of the things that lead to addictions and not have it be a problem. We are all different.
My love and prayers to you all
Jae